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If you’re not a talker, think up a list of possible topics -- TV shows, music, school -- before the date, Piorkowski says. “With texting and email, all you get is words,” Piorkowski says. If you’re chatty by nature, be sure to give her a chance to speak.Maybe the love of your life has turned mean and selfish. “If a boyfriend doesn’t give you what you need, walk away,” says Danielle Greaves, MSW, who works with girls at The Guidance Center in Cambridge, Mass.
“She can’t be the end-all be-all,” Piorkowski says. Not by email or text and certainly not over social media. “At least on the phone, she won’t be embarrassed.” Letting her down respectfully makes the breakup easier on you and her, and it makes you look like a good guy.
“That way you’re letting her know how you feel and also considering her,” says Geraldine K. If she doesn’t like your suggestion, throw out a different one. “Use basic manners: If it’s cold out, give her your jacket.” If you're feeling nervous, don't sweat it. But be careful not to put too much pressure on her or the relationship. “On these romantic comedies, love is all about infatuation and feelings,” Kalish says. It’s about caring and growing.” You need to give her and yourself room to grow as individuals, Piorkowski says. Spend time with her, but also spend time with your guy friends. “They tend to lash out.” It’s OK to go home and cry. (Kalish says her research shows that 90% of the time, the parents cause the breakup.) Besides, if you really like her, you don’t want to ruin the chances that you might get back together someday.
Pick an activity where you won’t have to talk the entire time, like a movie or a sporting event, Kalish says. “The longer you go,” Kalish says, “the more problems you run into.” It should be a no-brainer to avoid thumbing your smartphone during the date. You miss out on the body language and facial cues that will give you a better idea of how she really feels.
Have you updated your “checklist” for the 55-year-old men you are dating; choosing not to judge them like you did 35 year olds?
Have you learned that your worth is far more than whether a man wants you, and that you are okay with yourself; whether or not you have a partner?
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This goes beyond the (hopefully) obvious steps of bathing and using deodorant, which are important. That way you at least get a clue from the tone of her voice.