Dating a borderline girl
And even the most mundane disagreement could send her into deep despair and inspire vicious attacks.
Ten days after their first sexual encounter, an otherwise benign conversation about the merits of veganism (Elizabeth was vegan, Mike was not) turned into a torrential blowout that left Elizabeth crippled by sobs, disgusted by Mike and declaring an end to their love affair. Indeed, he found himself fumbling for a way to resolve things.“I spent a few days trying to prove to her I was actually a good person, even though I liked to eat lamb brains,” he said. I was perfect again until the next time I was the devil again.
And that’s what made it so hot.”Psychologically speaking, they could all be diagnosed with shades of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a sort of femme fatale of the new millennium, the very traits of which—a black-white world-view, deep fear of abandonment, passionate mood swings, unstable relationships and devastating vulnerability—can add up to an intoxicating woman-child with a dark side. He was a 27-year-old grad student in San Francisco, happily ensconced in a stable long-distance relationship when he met the ethereal Elizabeth at a party. Their sexual trysts were unlike anything he’d experienced—breathless and overwhelming.“We were turned in on each other and to hell with the rest of the world,” he recalled. There was just something enchanted about it, something like going back to childhood about it.”And, borderline experts say, is what makes partners with this particularly disorder so engaging at first.
“It really felt like she was losing herself to me and I felt the same way. “Successful men who may be obsessional, who tend to suppress emotion, can go for the passion,” presented by a relationship with a borderline, says Frank Yeomans, a BPD expert and clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University.
"They say to themselves, ' She fills an intensity that's missing from my life.'"Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by the DSM-IV, the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, as "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts." Frantic attempts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness, difficulty controlling anger and transient, stress-related paranoia are other indications of BPD. population older than 18 has BPD, according to the National Institutes of Health.
"The intensity of her erotic passion can sweep you away, but her motive is double-edged," writes California-based therapist Roger Melton on the borderline personality disorder support site
"One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of her disorder…But the other side of her is driven by an equally instinctually and concentrated need to control you."“It’s not really about sex,” says Susan Lindau, a Los Angeles-based licensed clinical social worker who treats borderline personality disorder.